Welcome!

Well hello there! I didn't see you standing seductively in the doorway. Welcome to my humble blog. Come in, come in! Sit down, and make yourself comfortable. Maybe slip into something a little more revealing. Then fix yourself a drink at the bar, and allow me to put on some music to set the tone, for I am about to make sweet and prolific love to your brain.

A word of caution though, as you enter the door: You most likely won't enjoy what you find here. You may even be repulsed. I am not your traditional wordsmith. I am a bold adventurer into the furthest reaches of insanity and poor taste. If you have delicate sensibilities you may want to leave now. But if you have the fortitude to venture past the initial nausea you may find a hidden and unique treasure trove of thought that hits all the right spots. My musings are an acquired taste, not unlike fine sake, the lyrical whimsy of Warren Zevon, and the depraved yet intimate act of the dirty Sanchez. For the discerning connoisseur of the absurd and profane, mine is a taste ever so rewardingly briny.

Know that I am spurred forward in my written endeavors primarily by rage, curiosity, libido, and love. My mind is a complex beast, as you’ll soon come to find. I take great pains to craft something that is simultaneously worthy of the National Library and a dirty bookstore. Should you enjoy it, I am grateful and flattered. Should you despise it, you can go fuck yourself, for only God can judge me, and luckily he doesn’t exist.

I write much like a jazz musician, free flowing, in fierce spurts of inspiration, and without adhering to the rules. I invent terms to suit my needs, such as “clusterfist,” “trajesty,” and “dickfuck.” I walk the razor’s edge between profundity and garbage. If this makes you uncomfortable, I urge you to open yourself to the pleasures of linguistic experimentation. I can only guarantee one mental orgasm per literary encounter, but I occasionally deliver multiple.

Finally, should you find yourself tentative to suspend disbelief and abandon your inhibitions at the door before allowing me to sensually ravage your mind, I urge you to look around at this twisted, absurd, beautiful world of ours, and then try, if even for a moment, to see it through my gorgeous, piercing blue eyes. You won’t regret it.

So without further adieu, I give you my thoughts on anything and everything in existence. You're welcome.